A little story from China

I am sitting here tonight in the quiet after we have had somewhat a rough night.  We call this "survival mode" at our house right now.  Tai is having a very difficult time.  There is a lot of change at our house and he thrives on routine and structure.  His little world has been turned upside down.  There is no more normal for him right now.  Ali has her moments, but for the most part seems to be a bit better.  She definitely needs minimal stimulation.  When she gets overwhelmed it is very obvious to us.  We are trying hard to establish some sort of normal routine in our house.  This is harder to do than it sounds.  Life happens.  Esp with a 5 yo a 2 yo and one dog.  So I sit here and I can only think of one particular day in China and thought I would share it.  For my friends that have been to China, you know all too well that this does in fact happen.  For my friends that have never been to China, I assure you this did in fact happen to us.

While sitting at the airport terminal in Nanning, on our way to Guangzhou, we were bombarded by Chinese people.  Our guide had just sent us on our way through security.  Up until that point she had always been with us "holding our hands" but she was not allowed past security so we said our goodbye's.  The airport, like everything else in China, was hot, small, and extremely crowded.  After walking for quite some time, we finally found 2 seats together and sat down.  My children had not eaten.  It had been a very long morning already and everyone was hot, tired, and hungry.  I purchased a bucket of instant noodles, added hot water from one of the spickets that are scattered throughout the airport (used for noodles, hot tea, etc.) and began to feed my children.  I had one set of chopsticks and two hungry kids.  They each stood in front of me and I fed them alternating between hungry mouths.  Keep in mind that the Chinese people are always staring at us.  Literally, stop in their tracks and stare.  By this time in the trip, I am used to it.  It doesn't bother me so much anymore as that is just the way it is.  You can choose to let it bother you or just go about your business and ignore it.  However, this day, out of nowhere a flock of Chinese people swarm around us.  There were about 10 people, small children to adults all standing around all trying to talk to us.  The school age children knew some English.  The adults were just speaking Chinese.  One college aged girl would translate for everyone.  They were very curious about us, the foreigners.  They wanted to know who we were, where we came from, where were we going, who were these children, why do we have them, are they related, is there something "wrong with them", and it went on and on.  We tried to be polite.  They gave us gifts of unopened Coke cans.  They kept wanting to touch my children.  In a sweet and kind way, like touching their cheeks, stroking their arms.  They were oohing and awwing over how cute they were.  They were all very sweet and kind.  BUT... it was a bit much!  Enough was enough!  Ali seemed the least freaked out by this.  After all, she was the only one that understood them, that knew what they were saying.  Tai was freaked out and hung onto my leg.  After awhile, when it was obvious they were not going to leave and the noodle bucket was empty, we got up gathered our stuff and just walked away.  Jason and I left that scenario feeling very overwhelmed. Very violated. Very frustrated.  Very over stimulated. The only thing we wanted to do was hide and get away.  I honestly think if our guides were not with us, this thing would happen more often.  I think our guides keep this from happening to us, thankfully!

I now sit here and can't help but think about my children.  This is what is must feel like for them all the time!  Since the minute they hand them to us on Gotcha Day.  They did not ask for this.  They did not ask for these foreigners to come into their lives.  They do not understand what we say to them.  Our daughter lights up and comes to life when we play our Chinese CD's and movies.  That is familiar to her. Imagine how she must feel when people walk up to her and tickle her toes or look her right in the face and try to talk to her?  It must be exactly how we felt in China that day.  It is overwhelming and stressful.  We did a lot of things wrong with Tai when we brought him home.  We also did a lot of things right.  We are parents and we make mistakes.  We can't beat ourselves up about that.  But I have learned a lot since we brought Tai home.  I have read more books, talked to more experts and friends.  I knew no one in the adoption community before Tai.  I now have an amazing support system of other adoptive families to learn from.  I do not know what is always right or best.  But what I do know for sure, is that these next few weeks are crucial to my daughter.  What  happens now, will ultimately effect the rest of her life.  We have missed the first two years of her life.  We have a lot of catching up to do.  We have to let her know, to teach her, that we are her family forever.  Right now, she doesn't even know what that means.  After all, she has been ripped away from 2 families already.

I hope that soon we will be ready for visitors.  I miss my friends terribly.  When we do introduce everyone to Ali,  Jason and I need your help.  We will not pass her around for people to hold.  We need to be the ones to meet her needs.  We need to be the ones to feed her, give her bottles, change her diapers, pick her up when she falls or cries.  We would love for you to kiss her and tickle her.  But please be patient for that.  Blowing kisses and waving are great and appreciated!!!!!  But please let Jason and I do the touching....for now.  If you see her fall or see her cry, please let Jason and I be the one to pick her up.  She needs to learn what the role of a mother and a father are.  She needs to learn that we will always be there for her no matter what.  If you do come to our house, please just "be" in the home.  Ali needs to watch people first.  She needs to check you out.  When she is comfortable and ready, she will come to you.  If you just come in calmly and go about your business in the home then she will warm up to you.  Please just give her space.  She is very different than Tai was at this point.  She will check you out and watch you.  She is very cautious but she will warm when she is ready.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for understanding.

Our first trip to the park

Planes, trains, and automobiles

Yesterday was another long travel day! We had no appointments or excursions planned so we stayed at the hotel and swam and took the kids to the pool. It is a long standing tradition to dress your child in their traditional Chinese silk clothing and take their picture on the red couch. Sadly, the White Swan hotel is closed for renovations and you can not get to the famous "red couch" anymore. So we dressed up the kids and settled for a brown couch photo. It was great! Jack cried and Ali gave us her serious, stink eye face. Tai and Avery were typical stubborn kids. They all did look very cute. Then we all loaded on the bus to get our kids passports and visas and immigration papers. Then it was off to the train station. Our kids both did great on their first train ride! The train had squatty potties with a hole that literally opened to the tracks!!!! Luckily, no one fell through! We finally got to our hotel around 10 pm. We leave today to fly home!!!! We are all ready to be home. Jason is sick. Thereis a typhoon headed to Hong Kong and it is already raining. Please pray that we make it out of here. None of us can stand to get stranded here. See you all very soon!

Thankful

Today we are thankful for many things. Thankful that in 2 more sleeps we get to come home!

Thankful that both our children's birth mothers chose life for them and that they left them in public places so that we could someday find them, bring them home, and love them forever.

Thankful for both our children's orphanages for placing them in foster care.

Thankful to the foster mothers that rocked, held, and loved our children the first two years of their lives. Mostly we are thankful thathey taught them first how to love and to be loved so their hearts were ready to accept us.

Thankful to Ali's orphanage for finding the means to provide her the life saving surgery she needed. Not all the orphans in China are that lucky. If she had not had the surgery, she would not be here today.

Thankful for the Starbucks via that we brought as we drank it daily. We ran out today, so it is time to come home.

Thankful that ESPN at home does not show ice skating, bowling, and darts nearly 24 hrs/day like in China.

Thankful for Ice cold Tsing Tao that is readily available to us here in China and for the "Bruce Lee Tsing Tao special edition" six pack complete with bottle opener that we got in Province. A now treasured souvenir.

Thankful that Heidi only encountered one squatty potty while in China.

Thankful for the super clean hotel room in GZ, with a marble shower and soaker tub, and soft King size bed. Also for the executive suite with yummy food and cocktails every night.

Thankful for Benadryl as my sweet daughter is taking a much needed power nap.

Thankful for the obscene amount of antibiotics and medications that web brought with us. Mostly thankful that we didn't need any of them and we all stayed healthy.

Thankful to our new friends from Florida, Lori and Mike and their kids Avery and Jack. We could have survived this trip without them, bit it would have been terrible!!!

Thankful for the pool at the Marroitt.

Thankful that today we had our last official appt for the trip, the US consulate appt. Tommorrow we get a Visa for our daughter so we can bring her home.

Thankful that Tai loves his little sister and is a great big brother and that Ali adores him!

Thankful that our amazing guide Kelly took Ali and I to buy pearls today! We missed the group outing the other day so she took me by myself.

Thankful that we are Americans and that we get to come home very soon.

Thankful to all of our family and friends for loving us and our children, for accepting them and their differences.

Thankful that we have been blessed with these two wonderful children to love forever!

The Island

Today was a baba day! Jason took Ali to get her TB test read and mama and Tai had a breakfast date. All day Ali wanted Jason to hold her and play! She is really warming up to her baba and gave us lots of laughs and smiles today. She is such a little ham and we just adore her! She loves to imitate us and it is very cute. She is so funny when she laughs she throws here entire head back and since we laugh at her she just keeps doing it. I was holding her today and noticed she was tickling herself under her chin and giggling. So cute since we always tickle her on her neck and then she tickles our necks. But today she was tickling herself and giggling and it was so adorable!!!! Our little Ali also loves music and will dance and bob her head to any type of music. Even if mama sings, which is kinda scary, she dances. We have been wondering about her speech as she doesn't really say much to us. However, when we put on our Mei Mei (Chinese DVD's) she lights up and dances and sings right along. So she can obviously talk which makes us feel much better. She certainly lets us know how she feels as she has the best facial expressions. She also loves the elevators and literally screams in delight when we get on. She also screams and claps when our van or bus pulls up to the hotel. She loves to be in the hotel room with us. I think that is her "safe zone".

After the appt at the medical clinic our group went to Shamian Island. Mama was so excited to shop, but sadly the conditions were not great. Tai was having none of it, Ali was cranky, and Jason hates to shop. I felt very stressed and rushed so we only went to 2 shops. Very sad. I did manage to get a few of the things I wanted and a few gifts. I think I got most of the stuff that people requested. I also didn't bring enough RMB with me and no one took credit card, so actually that shut down my shopping pretty fast. Guess it was a good thing, as I bought 9 pairs of squeaky shoes and probably would have bought more if I had the money. Jason was glad that the well ran dry:) Of course it rained on us. But we did manage to get a quick park play in and Tai was thrilled. Ali is a bit skeptical of the park play but she slowly warmed up and did go down the slide a few times. Of course she loved it once she went down. We tried to find the yummy Italian restaurant that we loved so much last trip but we couldn't find it.... so we ended up at Lucy's. I know most adoptive families love that place but since they serve American food, but Jason and I are not fans. Oh well, the beer was cold:)

We just arrived back at the hotel and Ali is napping. We promised Tai we would take him swimming today. Unfortunately it is raining. So we came up to upload some pic for ya'll in the business center. It is taking FOREVER to upload these pictures so I will just do a few and hope this keeps all my junkie friends going just a bit longer:)

Zoo Day

Well folks, the zoo was a bust. It was hot and extremely crowded. The 8 of us could of just stood inside a cage and just been our own exhibit! One lady was staring at us so long while walking that she actually tripped. Sheesh! All I could do was laugh at her. We are such a spectacle here and everyone is so curious. We did see the Pandas and they were really cool. One was eating his bamboo and the other was sleeping. Apparently the day before they were very playful. We also, for $2, let Tai and Avery ride the camel! We got our souvenir pic and the kids were happy. Where else but China can you sit on a camel for $2?!?! The highlight for the zoo was the fountain. Again we let Tai and Avery run around and get soaked. The parents were jealous and in awe of them. So we high tailed it outta there right after the pandas and we can check that one off the list!

After we got home all we wanted to do was hit the pool. So we quickly shoved some lunch down the kiddos and headed down. I assumed sis would hate it and she and I would be right back up for nap. But oh no! She LOVES the pool!!! We have a pool girl so she is most definitely a Fenton! She was stinking adorable and once again squeals in delight. I got some super cute pics and I am so sorry that I can't share them...:( she still hates the bathtub, even the little one the guide gave us. So not sure about that?

After the pool, I went with my friend Lori for a little shopping trip up the road. I left jas home with the kids. They had a really fun play time and Ali got in some much needed baba time! Mama found Tai some $6 gap Jammie's! Also got 3 pairs of Jammie's for Ali, but they are all unfortunately a bit small. Bummer. Good thing I only spent $25 total! After that little excursion, I took Ali to Wal-Mart. Our entire travel group loaded in the bus for this one. But the boys stayed home. I really did not want to go but there were just a few things we had to get. After dinner, our guide took us all to a Mexican restaurant. Yes, they have Mexican in China too. My food was delicious!!! Jason however ordered beef and he said it was most definitely not beef... Duh..I said to him, do you seriously think that is going to be cow? I can only guess what was disguised inside that beef enchilada!

Yesterday was a very long and busy day. I never made it to the business center to upload pics. It is very hard to find time. When I get a quiet moment to myself it is usually early in the AM before anyone is awake and I don't fell like going up there. It is so sad that our computer is fried. I tried all day to send pics from the iPhone and iPad and can't get it to work. I had other families trying to help me too. Must be something in my settings and no one can figure it out. Sad, we have all this technology and can't figure it out.

Today we go get Ali's TB test read then we are going with our group to Shamain Island for a shopping adventure for the day! This will be another long, hot day with no nap. But I have a long list of things that I must have before we leave China. We plan to come home late afternoon and hit the pool and stick to the hotel for dinner and happy hour.

Thanks for all the messages. We are super homesick and ready to come home. Ali is having problems sleeping and so we are all tired. I get so confused what day it is. We are living in such a little cocoon over here. But I think we are down to 4 more sleeps!